There is this particular need in my mind to make what I have beautiful.
Beautiful. Some friends have asked me some particular questions about what I want for the property, and the only answer that I can come up with is, “I don’t know, but it has to be beautiful.” I struggle with making this manifest. I get frozen in indecision. Sort of. I struggle with beginning a project, I think out of fear. I shared with my daughter about this recently that the talent that I have to copy other beautiful things that people have made doesn’t really make me happy. I don’t enjoy the idea of being a great copycat. This talent that I’ve been given to create, and/or copy, beautiful things…that doesn’t make me happy. It isn’t necessarily satisfying to be an amazing copycat. There is this hunger to make things beautiful, but also unique. So the question that I ask is…how do I do that?
Spending a ton of time looking at things online, or searching out other peoples ideas, isn’t going to make happen what I want. I’ve had to make a point of stopping myself from looking outward. It’s almost a terrible fault I have to just copy. (Somehow it even feels sinful, I don’t know.) To be unique, you have to stop looking outward and bring something new and beautiful out of yourself. Be quiet. Be still. Observe what is around me. What do I have? What is unique to me and my surroundings? That is where to begin.
I’m trying, anyway.
This morning, I started with what I have. Some pretty finds from around me can be arranged somehow to make something beautiful. I don’t have to go out searching and copy someone else’s project. We have different lives, access to different things.