As I always do, I looked to the calendar to gauge how long it had been since my last post…TOO LONG. I put it off another day, and another day until the days have become so many that it’s embarrassing. There is a saying that goes something like, “If they wanted to, they would.” Well, I suppose I could say the same for coming to write. If I really wanted to, then I would.
So here I am, at last!
A long time ago, when I was about 19, I put the question “How do I know what to do?” to a sweet sister nun. At the time, I was spending months hopping trains and sleeping on strangers couches all over Europe, and struggling to know what God wanted of me. I think that the nagging feelings that you get, deep down inside, are the answers to the questions we have. Anyway, she told me a famous quote by a beloved saint. “Love God and do what you want.” If we’re loving God first, then naturally the answers will follow…or at least some peace in following what your heart is telling you is true. God speaks in the quiet, you know. He doesn’t impose on our will, but gives us clues and tendencies toward things.
I bring this up because, once again I found myself asking that same question. It’s a different point in my life journey, where the seasons are changing and I feel uncertain about what I’m doing. “Is this right? Is that right? Is this where he’s leading me? What am I supposed to do with my gifts at this point?” Ever feel like a fish out of water, flopping around on a dry beach? Yes, that has been me. The only thing that has really consoled and quieted the questions has been the routine of the day to do. Doing all the small things with care and attention, and loving my family along the way.
For a lot of people, I suspect because of outside pressure, it feels like there is supposed to be some “bigger goal, greater purpose”. But maybe…maybe God just wants you to rest in the here and now and forget about the “big things”. If a time comes that I’m called to a big thing, hopefully He will have provided me the ways to go about doing it purposefully and dutifully. I’ve been too focused on that, looking outwards for some validation. So here I am, bringing myself back in, reigning in the wild question and focusing on tending to the small things again with love.
May we do the little things well. <3