Leaning into Life
In just a few days I’ll be turning 45.
Here’s the thing about that. I’m so grateful for everything that has led me to this time and place. There have been so many adventures, and if you know about adventures from story books then you know that often times the majority of the story is about overcoming some sort of trials and difficulties. Some of the greatest stories that we read are the ones that are full of so many battles and tragedies. But truly, I love that after enduring those things it makes the ending celebrations of triumph that much greater. Our stories of trial and tribulation are specific to our individuality, of that I’m certain. But those events aren’t the end of the story, they are just the journey.
I can’t recall who said it, but I suspect that it is true that if God gives you many trials then he is certainly wanting to make you saintly. I’m nowhere near saintly, but I aspire to be “one day”. My life has been full of interesting and challenging events. And yes, often times, I’d like to sigh and exclaim that I’m done learning the lessons. But the truth of the matter is that with out the trials and difficulties, I wouldn’t be who I am. Not that I’m anything great, at this point in time, but that I am a better version of myself is something that I can boast in. Without the trials, I wouldn’t be anywhere near who I am now.
Sitting in the tough stuff and being accepting of it as something with an ultimate good in mind is anything but easy. We all know that nothing great is achieved without some difficulty, though. And just think, if life were easy….perhaps it would be boring. That isn’t to say that dramatic events and big feelings are what we are to aspire to. Those things can arrive without much doing on our part. I have plenty of personal experience in drama and dealing with big feelings. God placed me in this particular-to-me life that is full of the most interesting and personally challenging situations. Job comes to mind, right now, as I think about it. Not that my life is as tragic as what he endured (in the least!), but God gives to us each according to our abilities and in that I find myself miserably challenged and close to despair at times. In all that Job endured, he still went to God and loved Him in a very real way…I suspect because he knew that he had no hope for redemption outside of his creator. But he didn’t sugar coat his trials before God– no no, he said straight up that he didn’t know how much more he could endure! Likewise, in my own life adventures, I’ve no hope of redemption and salvation…and so here is where I fling myself at my Creator in hopes of receiving the graces that he promises to those who are weak; for when I am weak, then I am strong. My efforts are pretty pathetic at times, but I eventually come around to facing my challenges. He places me amidst a story of challenge to my own temperament that I may be challenged to become a better version of myself. The challenge to find respite among the thorns of life, and to find joy in the journey. Peace and joy can be made, you don’t necessarily have to go looking for it or wait for peace and joy to find you. They are an experience, not a destination. God provides respite to us in the way that He knows we need; here, have a snack and a nap, you’ll feel better enough to continue afterwards.
For the longest time I thought of peace and joy as a destination to aspire to. I realize now that I was chasing something that I may never find. Daily challenges (which I suspect I will be sharing more of this coming year here because I aspire to be authentic), are just that; a day, that has it’s own story. There is so much that can be learned in just a day, but finding peace and joy in it is the greatest challenge. For years, I would think to myself, “Once ABC is done, then I can be happy and live in peace.” Or something like, “When the kids are all grown, then I can do some XYZ and life will be grand from there on out.” (But when you have special needs kiddos…being grown can bring even more adventures to the story.) We aren’t promised a tomorrow of easy days, though. And scripture tells us that when we go to Christ for saving, we also welcome the Cross as part of that life. Christ’s life was full of less than ideal circumstances, and 100% less than ideal people. Whether it is people or circumstances, there’s something in myself that can always be grown intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, or practically from those events or people. And finding peace and joy in those things can offer such a new and interesting curve to daily life.
It wasn’t until some recent years that my mantra became, “I just want a boring and mundane life”. God gave me respite from a great deal of dramatic events, I suspect so that I could feel peace in my spirit and build up some emotional/mental/intellectual muscles for what comes anew in the days ahead. It was a silly prayer I guess…but in my exhaustion, it was a very authentic prayer. Boring. Mundane. It sounded delicious to my spirit.
It is in the “everyday” that I now understand that peace and joy must be found or made. This is where the challenge comes in, especially when we feel tired in spirit. I can put a table cloth on the table to make dinner feel like more of a special event. I can collect whatever pretty flowers I can find outside in a little vase. Special effort can be put into cleaning the bathroom to make it feel “spa-like”, just for us. When you put into loving those around you in small ways, you can feel peace and joy in seeing how you’ve uplifted another amidst some small daily annoyance or challenge. I can pray over someone else’s difficulties, and watch God’s hand at work, working it out for them. In those small nuggets I can find peace and joy. It isn’t elusive.
It’s been 45 years of learning, and now understanding that doing small things with great love may be the greatest thing after all. Here we go 45. Some new things are coming.
